18 Jul Alyssa Rorke
BLINK 182 WAS RIGHT
poem for my 23rd birthday
I feel small in your bed when I take up too much space
a deep breath is accompanied by a shift in sleeping position
and on my birthday I do not fit into my shirt
I am drinking coffee and I feel older I feel older
when I don’t need someone
I feel older when I don’t care how my hair looks
I feel older when my apathy outweighs my need to shower
I pay more attention to the sounds my car is making
a deep breath is accompanied by a shift in seating position
the room is your bed
I’m sitting on the other side
and we’re not touching
I’M SORRY I SLEPT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND ON MY QUEST FOR SEXUAL AWAKENING
I’m not so good at this
and if it makes you feel better I don’t remember the last time I cried. I always wanted to find a bra that’d make my chest look that way and once I did I was unimpressed. we had sex in a cold room and it didn’t feel like we were even touching at all.
I crossed today’s date off my calendar as another day that I continued to draw a blank. I noticed that tomorrow’s date is the birthday of a girl who spent at least 5 birthdays reminding me how worthless I am.
I wonder what your mother would think.
I wish I could be arrested for what I did in the parking lots of two different malls today because taking advantage of the privacy of one’s car seems just too easy to be legal
I drove through a town that’s full of fields and looks like what my hometown used to look like before it was overrun with mcmansions I looked my parents in the eye and lied to them more than once and every time I’m in my bedroom I feel like
I need a shower I need to change the sheets on my bed I need to change the way I interact with people I need a vacation
Alyssa Rorke is a poet based in New Brunswick, NJ and is the founder of the Letters from Bummer Camp zine press and distro. She graduated from Rutgers University in 2013 and is now a foster mother for young local punks.