and the other part is preteen girl 


crushing//i am drooling//i am ogling//i am lapping you up//i am 

grabbing your ass                     i am holding 

you close                                           i am saying no     

i break 

 

i try to break 

 

from the habit                     i take some space 

i curve upwards         reaching for something         pelvic muscles constricting  

i am back seized          i am not a pillow princess i know

who i am 

i am rest and relaxation                   i am self-care TM i

am chronic pain              yawning   i am jumpy if you scream

you are jumpy if i lean      in              in              into you and kiss you 

 

i am not all in 

 

     you are not                       at all                       in               volved 

 

      you are the pigeon shitting on my stoop 


      you are my lover, the non-gendered              impression 

          if you were a woman, i’d still call you my lover

 

i went from girl to woman to non-gendered thing between the ages of 7 to 19 

               and skipped teenage girl      except in bed late at night 
      

          after texting boys who never kissed me 


i read under the blankets                        or watched lesbian porn

        teaching myself how to cum           in my own hand 

before waking up at 6am                 and making breakfast     

                                       before school

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