Here I am in bed, covered with sheets
Like the setting sun sinking in a sea of salt water

The springs in the mattress are no match for the snow and the tempest.

My face sinking in the pillow
Waiting for my eyes to close
From the weight of the world around me
I am protected
I am hiding
I am out of reach.

I travel with my eyes closed.

For thoughts are heavy
And memories are weightless
/////////////////////
Memories so light
Like the vivid image of your smiling face
Etched into my eyelids
I see the dimples,
I see the wrinkles
Memories
Warm enough to melt the ice freezing my heart
Again, my blood starts pumping
No one can rob me of these memories
Under the sheets like a coward afraid of an unknown power in my empty house
No one can rob me of these memories the way they took away the summer sun on my olive skin
The way I was robbed from seeing that smile again
Seeing that smile again
Seeing that smile again
The dimples, the wrinkles
And that genuine look of love

A love I want back

Love like a sunset
Love like a flower’s nectar turned into honey
Love like eucalyptus leaves dancing in the wind in the streets of Beirut
Love like the smile of a child singing a song he just made up
Love like a mother’s cleaning up the house after a day of play when the kids are asleep
Love like crying because I miss my mom at age twenty-five
Love like the tears blurring the letters of my keyboard as I write this poem
Love like wiping these tears and knowing I’m overwhelmed with
Love like knowing my family was ok after the blast 
Love like a punch in the face leaving me with a broken nose
Love like writing this poem without thinking
Love like a gushing violent unrestrained torrent
Love like a tidal wave
Love
Like the embrace of God everyday

Entangled with sheets I try to find that embrace

Afraid of leaving the bed
Afraid of leaving everything
Afraid of leaving all the world’s wonder
Afraid of leaving all these memories behind
Afraid of betraying these fleeting moments
Afraid of having to replace them with the harsher ones
I sink in them
Exhausted
I let them submerge me

Vulnerable.
I remember the child I used to be
Hiding in the covers reading
Books of stories and poetry
Bundled up in sheets unable to sleep
I remember looking at the flashlight thinking
Is that what the sun feels behind a layer of clouds ?
I remember thinking the sun seeking refuge,
Exhausted during a long day’s work.
Taking a break.
In a world of its own.

 

 

___________________

Karim El Zein is a Lebanese artist. Immigration to Canada in early adulthood became a big part of his artistic and communicational explorations. Be it in still or moving images, written word, or academia, discovering the limits of language and memory became the centerpiece of all his work.