and the other part is preteen girl 


crushing//i am drooling//i am ogling//i am lapping you up//i am 

grabbing your ass                     i am holding 

you close                                               i am saying no     

i break 

 

i try to break 

 

from the habit                          i take some space 

i curve upwards         reaching for something                 pelvic muscles constricting  

i am back seized                      i am not a pillow princess.             i know

who i am 

i am rest and relaxation                                  i am self-care TM                                   i

am chronic pain yawning                                i am jumpy if you scream

you are jumpy if i lean        in                          in                     into you and kiss you 

 

i am not all in 

 

         you are not                    at all                     in                      volved 

 

           you are the pigeon shitting on my stoop 


           you are my lover, the non-gendered              impression 

                 if you were a woman, i’d still call you my lover

                   i went from girl to woman to non-gendered thing between the ages of 7

to 19 

                                          and skipped teenage girl      except in bed late at night 
      

                           after texting boys who never kissed me 


i read under the blankets                                               or watched lesbian porn

             teaching myself how to cum                    in my own hand 

before waking up at 6am                              and making breakfast     


                                        before school

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