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why do we hide under blankets
why do we hide our feelings
why do we hide easter eggs
(if) hiding is the pragmatic response to fear of losing something
i hide a 73%
seventy-three percent of the time we are not what we project ourselves to be
seventy-three percent is the amount of time i spend trying to retain consciousness
seventy-three percent of men talk down to me when talking politics
in that 73% i also include hiding
– pretending to like eric clapton
– not feeling part of a generation
– our relationship having network connectivity problems
– fake orgasms
– and every time i have felt unnecessarily exposed
i am afraid of the time spent in a station, right before a train approaches and it feels like the air it carries is going to hit you in the face
i always stand close to the platform because i want to find out how much of it i can feel
i am afraid of the insides of a plant
it takes a much larger amount of time to kill a plant than to kill yourself
every cell in a plant is independent to its other cells
every cell in a plant is unaware of your existence
every cell in a plant dies alone desynchronised with its co-cells
but every cell in my body will die holding hands
i am afraid of babies
i am afraid of babies feeling sad when they realise that
at one time nothing will be new or astounding or special
i am afraid of not covering their osmotic heads with bubblewrap so they can’t be penetrated with hurt
i am afraid you will think this is stupid
i am afraid that people can have opinions on other people when they will never live inside another human being’s head
i hide my fear of walking home alone at night
and my nostalgia for what never existed
most of all i hide that
i don’t want to be thrown away