FIVE DAYS IN REDNOTEBOOK ❋ Luis Silva

i.

my insanity has adjusted to the light
i dont know how long itʼs been since the last time i left the house
three days, maybe four
to return some library books

Dickinson, Emerson, Didion, mostly unread

ii.

sometimes itʼs better to write lines around what you dont feel
im depression level 4 writing about depression level 6
trying to get over a readerʼs block made of pain behind the eyes
& anxiety looking for distraction because video is so much more edible
iii.

another day long headache five cups of coffee hoping itʼs caffeine withdrawal another
another down period i dont know what i can let go of this time slept too long

iv.

sleep deprived
in the library stacks
not high anymore but still
in slow motion
only one class left i can avoid to fail

i look over the security railing on the 4th floor balcony
to see if the line for coffee has thinned out

i will disappear, i think

i will leave clues in Pynchon novels
graffiti trumpets on corridor walls
steal laptops to sell, steal bikes, sell weed

write erotica for women
be kindle rich

later i will tell friends i went to a mental hospital
so theyʼll be impressed by the progress i made just staying alive