LEARN TO LOVE YOUR LONELINESS ❋ Luis Neer

On several occasions I have been told that I
Underestimate the emotions of others

I know it’s true
I don’t give people credit they deserve

I have also been reminded
That everyone feels the way I do

Now and then
Everyone feels the way I do now

I know this is not true
I know not everyone feels this way

I feel this way
I feel this

There is no now and then
There is only then and now—

Then
I would lie on the floor
And watch the ceiling swirl

Now
I will not lie on the floor
My body thinks it’s a centipede

Like the centipede that scurried out
From under my books

In French class last Friday
I thought it mean something

The walls have gone dark again
They are blacker than they have ever been

I won’t see anyone
I don’t think I can see anyone

I drink this loneliness
My brain calls it nectar

In this place
Past underground

This place
Past shadows

This monochrome
Shrill black silent wilderness

Feeds me
Feeds on me

I give it every memory
Photographs songs poems

Old words and happy things
Gone to dust

It’s an agreement
I think

An agreement to try
To believe the promise of new sunlight

In the presence
Of swollen darkness

I try
I try to imagine stars on this ceiling

I know
I know not everyone feels this way
Not everyone feels like this

If everyone felt like this
The world would always be quiet