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PLEASE OPEN A DOOR FOR ME ❋ Jade Cruz Quinn

We met in violet
everything blinding
I wished for you
or maybe I just wished
and you happened
to be there. maybe
I took you to create this

I thought the universe
was blessing me. not sure
if it is. we both know blessings
can feel like metal in the chest

or like a child. now
that you’re there I believe
you are gone and I’m wishing for it
though it would mean the end
of me. I’m wishing for the end of me

often on the freeway i think
about driving my car off the next turn
I don’t even want to die
I just want something to happen
that isn’t this

I drink a beer alone
try to disappear into some future
yet I won’t respond
to job listings. I fear
they’ll smell
the sadness in my application

I started bleeding brown today
I read it was indicative
of early pregnancy
but it could also be a sign
I’m just barren