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OMEGA | Alyssa Rorke
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Alyssa Rorke

18 Jul Alyssa Rorke


poem for my 23rd birthday


I feel small in your bed when I take up too much space
a deep breath is accompanied by a shift in sleeping position
and on my birthday I do not fit into my shirt

I am drinking coffee and I feel older I feel older
when I don’t need someone

I feel older when I don’t care how my hair looks
I feel older when my apathy outweighs my need to shower
I pay more attention to the sounds my car is making

a deep breath is accompanied by a shift in seating position
the room is your bed
I’m sitting on the other side
and we’re not touching





I’m not so good at this

and if it makes you feel better I don’t remember the last time I cried. I always wanted to find a bra that’d make my chest look that way and once I did I was unimpressed. we had sex in a cold room and it didn’t feel like we were even touching at all.

I crossed today’s date off my calendar as another day that I continued to draw a blank. I noticed that tomorrow’s date is the birthday of a girl who spent at least 5 birthdays reminding me how worthless I am.

I wonder what your mother would think.

I wish I could be arrested for what I did in the parking lots of two different malls today because taking advantage of the privacy of one’s car seems just too easy to be legal

I drove through a town that’s full of fields and looks like what my hometown used to look like before it was overrun with mcmansions I looked my parents in the eye and lied to them more than once and every time I’m in my bedroom I feel like

I need a shower I need to change the sheets on my bed I need to change the way I interact with people I need a vacation



Alyssa Rorke is a poet based in New Brunswick, NJ and is the founder of the Letters from Bummer Camp zine press and distro. She graduated from Rutgers University in 2013 and is now a foster mother for young local punks.

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