09 Sep Kristina Mahler
WHY DOES ANYONE RESIST?
I kept thinking it would be better by now
If we held on until summer it would make us happy
Conveniently forgetting that misery and pain exist in all seasons
I keep a journal of your affections
It is too hard to leave you when everything is so green
We wish for painless separation,
For 10 hours of heavy ambient rainfall with thunder and
the way we could sleep before we knew things about each other
Sitting in the backyard the cicadas wail like sirens
You tell me I am too picky about fruit
I laugh and you get mad because
I wont explain the joke
ALONE AT YOUR PARENTS HOUSE AT THE END OF FEBRUARY
I must remember to not look inside my own mouth too much
My body betrays me on a whim
Unable to tell the difference between good and bad
Things are not as bad as you think until they are much worse
I dream of you at the bottom of a well but you are not struggling
I want to see you holding flowers but you prefer the dirt
I wake up each morning to prevent accidents
And read the omens in the dishwater, in the lines around your mouth
It is important for me to feel beautiful in times of crisis
But I think you prefer when I am ugly
I think back on the hours I have wasted on sex and what I would trade them for now
I am so much more interesting when I’m alone
Always wanting to be strong but never being strong
Always talking about being strong but never being strong
DESIRE IS GREAT TROUBLE
I have stopped wondering where you go at night
I get drunk and wait for something to happen
Everyone is so sincere at the bar but
Nothing does justice
And no one atones
You find an island, a person
You can’t stay forever
I looked good at the foot of your effigy but I look better on my couch alone
I like my television and
I like my safety
Kristina Mahler lives in Montréal and studies social work. She posts poems at pyyre.tumblr.com and tweets at @pyyrre
