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OMEGA | Zoe Blair-Schlagenhauf
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Zoe Blair-Schlagenhauf

22 Feb Zoe Blair-Schlagenhauf

WHAT IT MEANS TO LOVE RED BEANS: I KISSED YOU BECAUSE I COULDN’T WATCH YOU DESTROY YOURSELF ANYMORE



i keep this lighter in my car because sometimes it works,

and that’s the same reason why i keep your number in my phone, and your head on my pillow.

when we lay in bed i’ll whisper sweet pet names to you like

“styrofoam”

and “cellophane”

because our love is cheap, but everlasting.

but also really bad for the environment.

 

in old russian, red means the same as beautiful.

that’s why you stroke the scars on my thighs

and i kiss strangers in the light outside snake and jakes.

you are like a parking lot, in the sense that, you are the hottest thing at noon

on a sunday morning.

that’s why i feel the burn on my arm you gave me like gospel.

 

what does it mean to love somebody?

there’s another concept we can test the validity of.

Like all normal feelings, it must be justified by something.

so i’ll dedicate most of my spotify playlists to the people i’ve slept with,

and put a heart emoji in the middle of the block of text i send you.

so you’ll know that my vital organs are on your screen, rather than in my chest.

 

our relationship is like Seinfeld in the sense that

that shit’s not funny, you’re just waiting for the laugh track.

nonetheless, i’m always making straight b lines for you.

whether i just need something to fall asleep to, or something to feel nostalgia for.

 

i’ll get lost in your face like how i got lost on the trail back home i have walked a

hundred times before

i’ll be sad and i’ll question my identity,

and when i open my eyes and turn to face west, to follow the often setting sun back,

i hope you are looking at me.

because love is just remembering things all of a sudden.

 


 

Zoe Blair-Schlagenhauf is an art and design student at Loyola University New Orleans.
Her work has been featured in Spy Kids Review and Varsity Goth. She loves you.

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