30 Dec Leona Nikolić
IT’S BEEN A WHILE; IT’S BEEN FOREVER
I am a leaf at the edge of the tree’s branch or I am a cloud in the night sky. It doesn’t really matter. I drift and I push and I am pushed against. I resist only myself.
I resist myself and I do not resist the chaos around me I give into it and I become it because this is what I want, right? I am an island and the waters around me are rising rising and I do not resist this. I do not resist the rising water and I dream that it will drown me drag me below into a blue calm. The water never rises quite high enough and this never happens.
When I hold my breath I hold the sky in my lungs. I am okay I remember because I have the sky and I hold it in my lungs of all places. I look at the sky I cup it in my hands and feel it seep through my finger cracks:
shades of white
I am okay I remember because I have the sky and I am lighter than most clouds I am far away from earth now.
I am like a fire sometimes, I think. I think this as I watch myself move slowly in the mirror. I am like a fire and I will destroy everything. I am like a fire but I do not burn.
Leona dreams often about being a cloud. Sometimes she doesn’t dream at all. Last night she had an unpleasant dream but it wasn’t real so it’s okay. Is Leona real? TBD.